My family has always been very close. I mean, that's not a bad thing at all. I have friends whose parents split and their mom went to work and pretty much left them to raise themselves, and others whose parents were so busy spending their money that they hardly remembered that they had kids. I'm glad my family was close, but sometimes that makes it difficult to set yourself apart; to figure out who you are outside of their expectations and assumptions.
I've always loved my little brother. From the time he was born my parents were telling me that I was older and I needed to take care of him and protect him. That never felt like a burden. It was. I don't know. a purpose. It made me feel proud and special to be the one with experience who knew things; the one that Colton looked up to. As we both got older, though, he could do things on his own and make his own choices, and I began to realize I didn't know everything and make my own mistakes, I just hoped that he still looked up to me.
I'm four years older, though, and it was inevitable that I would go away to college and leave him behind. I didn't have to stay away, though. I chose that. I started dating my girlfriend, Sarah, before I knew I was gay, even before I was seriously thinking about sex. We were more best friends than a couple but, in high school, guys can't be friends with girls unless they are dating so that's what we called hanging out together. Sarah came from a proper family so I think she was relieved that I wasn't pressuring her for sex. For me, one of the first clues that I had that I was gay was the fact that, as much as I liked her, I didn't want to have sex with her.
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